Comments on: DONKEY BOY

By: Dave Jarecki

Dave Jarecki — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 00:19:50 +0000

Thank you much.

By: wayne

wayne — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 17:42:13 +0000

nicely done dave

By: Dave Jarecki

Dave Jarecki — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 04:52:18 +0000

Thanks Dana – great comments. You’ve already opened me up to a couple of edits that could really tighten some of the language.

By: Dana

Dana — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 04:39:33 +0000

I love the lines:

“I’d know everything I needed to know
as soon as I tasted burn at the back of my throat.”

I like where all the accented syllables fall in these lines, as well as the end rhyme, and of course the concept of knowing everything when the body reaches a certain state and has a specific reaction.

Migraine is gone today. The world is huge and wonderful when I am not in pain.

By: Dave Jarecki

Dave Jarecki — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 19:53:49 +0000

Thanks Nathan – I’ve always loved the phrase “like cures like” but haven’t used it in a poem before. The second part of that line, “bows wrap shut”, took me a while to boil down to. At some point it read, “how bows tend to tie,” which, while musically is nice, takes too long to get to the point. Plus I like ending the line on “shut” here, as opposed to the “high” vowel sound.

By: gautami tripathy

gautami tripathy — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:18:07 +0000

Great phrases here. equus asinus asinus

By: Dave Jarecki

Dave Jarecki — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:16:58 +0000

Yes – a good firewalk will take care of just about anything. Or so I’ve heard.

By: Nathan

Nathan — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 16:28:16 +0000

Fantastic — I love “How like cures like, what bows wrap shut.” Sound and sense, that’s a great line.

By: angie

angie — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:49:38 +0000

so does it really work?

I like your poem.

By: Mark's Notebook

Mark's Notebook — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 13:57:52 +0000

Marvelous imagery here. Absolutely marvelous